god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
