OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
