Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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