is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
