Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
