they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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