yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
