Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
