Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
