Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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