Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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