Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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