Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
