i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
