so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
