If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
