The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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