I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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