I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
