Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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