The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
