I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
