dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
