I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
