I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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