When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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