careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
