I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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