Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
