I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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