Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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