I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
