if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
