Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
should my penis look like a turkey
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
