some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
