I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
