the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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