I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
