My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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