Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
