well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
