Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
