You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
