Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
