it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
