I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
