can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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