dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
