I could have mohawked her pubes.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
