he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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