There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
