you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize
