Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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