Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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